I'm So Glad I Came out of your Tummy..

It's been nearly a week since Aidan was discharged from Psych and with the medications he's on, he's actually been making it thru his day at school. We get a report home everyday letting us know how it was and today, every spot was a smiley face except under writing, where his teacher wrote, "he threw his pencil and said he hated me." She even put a sad face. He's got a wonderful teacher, she's younger and has minored in special education. For her, I see Aidan as sort of a special project, testing her abilities to manage special needs children and help him thru his day to day objectives. But this isn't the first time Aidan has lashed out with the hate word at someone in the middle of one of his outbursts. I would love to say that it doesn't hurt hearing your little child say they hate you, but it does. It makes it harder somedays with all the work and anxiety you go thru as a parent, that what your doing isn't making a difference and they don't appreciate you. I have this dream that one day, when Aidan is much much older he'll give me the biggest hug I've ever gotten and he'll say, "Thank You Mom, you've given up so much and sacrificed to give me a better life and I will never forget it." I think it's a dream because for most parents dealing with Aspie children, this is something we'll never hear. Not that hearing these words will make our struggle anything more, it's just.. it's sort of like when you give a really special gift. Your heart is in the right place, you spent hours, weeks, months, planning this one special gift for someone, something you know they are just gonna be floored by.. and when they open it, their happy but you have to constantly go into detail how long you've planned it, how long it took to get, the search and the thought behind it. We don't just give it and be done, we like to feel good for giving. It's the same with putting in countless migrain filled hours helping make your child's life better. But then again, I may not need to ever hear those words from his mouth. If he just kept doing what he's doing now, I'd be happy. Tonight he came up to me before bedtime, put his arms around me and said, "Mom, I'm so glad I came outta your tummy." And I said, "Me too honey, me too."